DesertAnglican's Blog

[DesertAnglican]

Once again I tried to visit Her in the hospital—this time opting for the far safer route of calling. After all, last time I drove with a friend 40 minutes each way only to be ordered to leave after 90 seconds. Perhaps the haze of medication after the surgery and automobile accident had cleared today.

Instead, I ended up with this dear, older woman crying out of frustration at being immobilized by surgery and casts; being in the hospital once again; being separated from her drug-addicted, abusive, adult daughter; and now crying and screaming into the phone because I was not getting her out of the hospital. I didn't even make it to 90 seconds today. What am I doing wrong?

St. John 13:1-15 stares at me for tomorrow's Maundy Thursday service. Serving others is hard enough, trying to serve them and then being screamed at it is another thing altogether. Once again, I am impressed with how little I can do in another person's life and heart. My service or yours might open the door, but God brings change and new life—not the servant.

If I have learned one thing in the last few years, it's that there are a lot of people with very dirty feet who have no desire to have them to be washed by me or anyone else—and chasing after them with towels and water usually makes for a spectacle rather than a miracle.

So I'll wait for Her, and for the many others like Her, to be ready. The water is hot. The towels are sparking white. The servants prepared. Who will come?

[DesertAnglican]

We celebrated (not sure if that's the word for such a solemn occasion) Maundy Thursday last night with foot washing, Holy Communion, the stripping of the altar, and departure in silence and darkness.

My older children (7 and 3) delighted in having their feet washed and declared it something we should do every week! Yet they were deeply troubled by the stripping of the altar. Where were all of the beautiful things going? Why were they being taken away? We had explained the significance and the congregation seemed to be reflecting on it as the stripping took place, but the children sensed the wrongness of this moment. It should not be like this they insisted! Only several explanations and promises that this was not the new normal, but only a step towards Easter when everything (even what had disappeared or been covered during Lent would come back) kept us from having tears in the front row.

I have been to many Maundy Thursdays now, and participated in the stripping. It has always felt solemn and sad, but never have I felt the wrongness of that moment until I heard it from my children. Despite all the talk of bunnies and eggs, they wait for Easter and the comfort that God has not gone away for good, but is only gone and then will be back.

[Ernest]

I can understand their feelings in a way. I can remember back 60 years or so, when first experienced Maundy Thursday in Church. I found it totally confusing to see all of the familiar trappings being stripped and taken away.

The Nuns, who were caring for us had explained why and what was happening, but for someone who had experienced it for the first time, with an admittedly limited understanding of what was going on - it was confusing and felt alien.

Now, I am used to the symbolism of it all. But today, for the first time after the Good Friday liturgy, I actually felt emptied and that something was missing - it was off course symbolic, but none the less real for all of that. I know that my imagination and emotions are at play here, but perhaps it's a sign that in the past years, I might not have been giving it all of the attention that it quite justifiably deserves.

In your current emotional state and possibly exhaustion due to the season - it must be difficult to manage your own emotions, let alone manage those of young children. But you managed to console them, while giving your self a conundrum to resolve.

Prayers for you all and the situation that you find yourself in, and May the Peace of God, which is beyond our understanding, be with and in you as you struggle with this.

[DesertAnglican]

Having fun on April Fool's Day here!

[Emle]

Quiet day then

[Ernest]

No mention of G&T refreshment as a recovery aid?