REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

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hopefull
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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by hopefull » Mon Sep 14, 2009 3:31 pm

Dear All,

I really hope somebody can help me and well as my paryers being answered.

I am a 28 year old female nurse who reently got engaged to my partner of 4 years.

I was married at the age of 19 in a church of England church which ended when I was 22.

I was young yes, looking back not old enough, i did not have a sense of self, I was actually a depressive in nature and was not happy.

I feel that the reason i got married was not for the right reasons as my mentality was too young, i dreamt of a fairy tale wedding and marriage.

I had not lived with my partner prior to marriage and moved into our bought house soon after marriage. My partner then was 12 years older than myself, a man if you like who promised me the world.

Soon after this we carried on and we were good friends but our marriage as husband and wife was all one sided. I felt that I gave my all into all aspects, work, home, family. Although back then I did not really appriciate my family/friends.

I was never supported my husband did not show me any respect, I was always on the phone to my mother crying.

Looking back if i was more of a confident young lady I would of been able to hold my head up high and with regret leave stating that I deserved much better. I did not have this confidence and with my depressive mood and unhappiness lead to me searching for comfort elsewhere. Looking back I feel such regret for this and have asked my dear father above to forgive me. I have such regret and remorse for commiting adultury it is something that will always stay with me but makes me appriciate things alot more now - my husband to be, friends and family.

There is alot more behind this story and eventually my Husband started a relationship with my best friend around the time, people said it happened before, but I did not listen to hearsay and wished them the best of luck, hoping that they would make each other happy. I had to live with them for 18 months until the house sold, this was not an easy time for any of us. I believe they are still together and happy.

This is when I truely found god - the comfort I recieved I will never forget. I came off all antidepressents I had been taking for years. And found such relief in the lord.

I eventually moved back home with my folks, which helped me off load all the baggage and get back on my feet. On the return i stopped ties with any people i had been socilaising with turning that period as I feel that this were not helping me. I arranged for a university place to train to be a nurse something I had always wanted to do.

I then felt alot more settled in my own skin, I felt ready to meet new people and had a tear during a chat with God one evening asking to guide me to somebody who is worthy of love and has it to give.

This is when I met Jonathan my husband to be. A bresh of fresh air. We are a strong partnership which has been tested through our four years with health, money and family problems, but we get through it with disscussion and comfort. I thank the lord daily for all i now have. I am now a qualified nurse, my confidence came out during this course and I feel so lucky to be able to use my skills and caring nature to look after the sick.

I feel that although I had some bad years as a child and young adult, these were the building block to the person I have become today. I have asked for gods forgiveness and guidance which I feel he gives me daily. I have different morals to life now, I am not so selfish and I wish to approach my new marriage in the house of the lord who has healed me and got me to were Iam today.

Iam off to see the vicar for a chat on Saturday and Iam a little nervous about what he will ask.

Do you think I should send him a copy of this letter prior??

He has married divorced people in our parish before, but Iam not sure about their circumstances.

Just a little help would be realy helpful, came across this site today by chance!!
God bless you all.

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Pam
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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by Pam » Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:50 pm

Good to hear from you Hopefull, what a journey you've had. Thanks for sharing.

You could certainly send the vicar a letter if you feel that would help you to get all the facts across. In your meeting he will probably want to hear from you about why you think your marriage broke down, how you feel about it now, what you learnt and how it will affect the way you conduct your current relationship, and why you want to be married in church. These all seem to be things you've thought about, so you should be able to give some good answers.

Each vicar will have their own way of working out what's the best way ahead. I think when you are remarrying after a divorce it can be a time when you feel very fragile and although obviously they have to assess whether it's a good idea for you to remarry in church, another reason for discussing it with you is actually to give you chance to talk about what's happened and how it's affected you.

I hope all goes well.

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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by Isobel » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:16 pm

There's not a lot I can add to what Pam has said, I agree that you have clearly thought a lot about your journey and how God fits into it all, so I'm sure that will help you talk to the vicar.
Personally I find I can express my feelings more easily on paper than in person so if that's the same for you or if you think you might get emotional and have difficulty talking then writing it down might be a good idea.
I hope your discussion with the vicar is helpful, and pray for you and Jonathan as you prepare for a new stage of your relationship.
:votive1:

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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by Ernest » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:41 pm

Hi Hopeful,

Thank you for sharing, and your story is one of hope and joy, having come through a very dark, but life forming experience. And one which has brought you God's grace. :minicandle:

I have been through th experience of divorce myself, but at the time I remarried, I felt unable to attend a church and was re-married in a Register Office.

In the past year, God found me, and I joined the CofE, and just two weeks ago, after 20 years of marriage, we had our marriage blessed in our Parish Church, during a renewal of wedding vows.

I feel that your story is one with which you should feel able to approach the Vicar and to speak openly with him about. If you feel that it would be better written down, than fine, write it and take it with you. I am sure that the Vicar would be receptive to a written story such as yours - as it shows how God is working in all of this.

I wish you all Blessings in this and your and your Partner every blessing for your future together as husband and wife. :praying:

Ernest
Where there is hope and love there is life!
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hopefull
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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by hopefull » Sat Sep 19, 2009 5:39 pm

:coffee: I had a the meeting today..............I was so so nervous, more nervous than i have ever been.

But to my suprise, the vicar did not wish to go into great DEPTH to my marriage breakdown, I feel that becuase he new it was years ago, I was very young and there is not any issues that are not resolved he really did not ask too much.

All I explined was that it was a bad time for me, that it simply did not work out, I was young and not a happy person back then (i was getting a little nearly tearfull, I think he new this and he probably could tell i was so very nervous, and i hope he nows that this means the world to me).

I did say that the one good thing that came of it was that i have found my faith.

He did not want to know the ins and outs, which ofcourse i was pleased about because i really would of got upset no doubt!

It is our parish so legally thats fine, I am offically divorced and have been for many years..........he is happy to marry us.

:dog: This is one of the happiest days x

The highlight for me was the prayer that the vicar lead at the end of the session, he was an amazing person, with such an amazing career behind him.

My prayer today is:

Thankyou dear father for giving me the strength calm and patince today to meet John and feel so very welcome into his community and home. Thankyou for guiding myself and jonathan in our love and life to the path of happiest and faith. I thankyou for the forgiveness you show me everyday and the hope you fill me with for the future. Please continue to guide myself and jonathan into the rightous path. Forever in your debt and forever loving you. H

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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by Caroline » Sat Sep 19, 2009 8:01 pm

Amen.

That's wonderful hopefull. Congratulations! :laugh: :cheerleader:

:votive2: A prayer for a long and happy life for you and Jonathan.
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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by Ernest » Sat Sep 19, 2009 9:30 pm

Caroline wrote:Amen.

That's wonderful hopefull. Congratulations! :laugh: :cheerleader:

:votive2: A prayer for a long and happy life for you and Jonathan.

:votive1: :votive1:
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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by Pam » Sun Sep 20, 2009 12:13 pm

Great to hear that it went well. Your vicar sounds great!

:minicandle: :minicandle: :minicandle:

hopefull
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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by hopefull » Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:56 am

Thankyou you all so uch for your responses iam truely blessed, esp to have found this forum which has given me comfort over the last week :angel:

Does anyone know of any reading/book/articles i could read about preparing for marriage and life thereafter with a christian focus.

The Cannon Rector is great, he has had a varied career.

Initially we talked about getting married at my partners childhood parish, which is part of three churches in a parish, but under no circumstances the vicar marries divorced people, although this is a standing from an older vicar i belive, which the church is hoping to change. My partners mother is buried there also, I was devistated esp for my partner thought I had let him down.

When I suggested our parish minster (fairly garnd!) we decided to look into it and so far as you know you outcome is positive. Iam sure that the lord god guided us here to this church as it is OUR parish OUR new beginning OUR start of leading a life for our to come family, a fresh start.

We decided to have a candle lite for past loved ones at the start of our service to symbolise their present. :cross:

Iam off for a shaort break with my mother this week and continue my souls searching. I have found that since our enegagement it has made me think deeply about the past mistakes i have made, the reasons possibly why and how not to ever approach them again, I continue to ask forgiveness from my lord. Is there some bible readings to help??

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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by Ernest » Mon Sep 21, 2009 9:27 am

Hopeful,

You might wish to think about some of these reading:

From the Gospels:

* Matthew 5:1-10 The famous Beatitudes, which proclaim God's favor to those who try to live by God's law. (See Luke 6:17-49 for a shorter account of The Sermon on the Mount which also includes a few other verses found elsewhere in Matthew.)
* Matthew 7:24-27 A metaphor on establishing your home on a foundation in God.
* Matthew 22:35-40 The greatest commandment of love and the many ways it applies to life.
* Mark 2:18-22 Christ as the bridegroom and His followers as the bride.
* Mark 10: 42-45 It is better to serve than to be served
* John 2:1-11 The wedding at Cana where Christ performs his first miracle of turning water to wine.
* John 3:16 The famous "For God so loved the world."
* John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth, and the life..."
* John 15:9-17 An admonition to love one another and Christ's sacrificial love for us.

From Pauls letters:

* Romans 12:9-18 The Christian's duty to love and all that is encompassed by that duty: hope, patience, prayer, compassion, and more. Be sure to compare this passage to the 13th chapter of First Corinthians.
* I Corinthians 13 Perhaps the most famous of all wedding Bible verses, this chapter defines the ultimate gift of the Spirit: Love.
* I Corinthians 14:1 "Make love your aim" in all you do. (Verses 2-5 go on to discuss the superior gift of prophecy rather than speaking in tongues.)
* I Corinthians 16:14 Be certain that everything you do is motivated by love.
* 2 Corinthians 5:14-17 Through Christ's sacrificial love, we have become new creations.
* Ephesians 2:4-10 God's gracious love for us saves us through faith.
* Ephesians 4:25-5:2 Be loving and forgiving, speaking only good and imitating Christ." ...let not the sun go down upon your wrath..."
* Ephesians 5:21-33 This passage depicting the Christian home is difficult for some because it deals with "submission theology." However, the general thought is mutual submission. Understand it from an early church point of view.
* Philippians 2:1-5 Guard against selfishness. Be humble and serve others.
* Philippians 4:4-9 Rejoice and don't be anxious. Live honorably and justly, and God's peace will be a part of your lives.
* Colossians 3:12-17 The Christian life lived in love and harmony. Do all in Christ's name.
* Colossians 3:18-20 More submission theology with the admonition to husbands to love their wives.
* I John 3:1 "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us..."
* I John 3:16 Christ's example of sacrificial love.
* I John 3:18-24 Believe in Christ, and keep His commandments by loving one another.
* I John 4:7 Love each other because love comes from God.
* I John 4:16-19 God loves us. If we live in love, it serves as a sign that God lives in us. We are capable of love only because God loved us first.
* Revelation 19:1; 5-9 A glorious celebration in heaven for the marriage of the Lamb of God. The church is depicted as the Bride.

I wish you well on your journey and new life. And your hope shines through!

:votive1: May the Light of Jesus Christ our Savior shine down on you both, and may the Peace and Grace of the Holy Spirit be with you in your married life. Amen
Where there is hope and love there is life!
God is Life!
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God is Love!
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REMARRIAGE IN CHURCH AFTER ADULTURY + MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN.

Post by Pam » Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:30 am

hopefull wrote:Iam off for a shaort break with my mother this week and continue my souls searching. I have found that since our enegagement it has made me think deeply about the past mistakes i have made, the reasons possibly why and how not to ever approach them again, I continue to ask forgiveness from my lord. Is there some bible readings to help??
Dear Hopefull

I found it very helpful on retreat recently when I was advised to spend some time focussing on God's love for me through a prayer technique called 'lectio divina' ('divine reading') where you let a short piece of scripture 'soak' into you. My retreat guide described it as 'sucking a sherbert lemon until you suddenly get to the bit at the centre.'

You could choose any of the short readings Ernest suggests that appeal to you, or pick your own, to do this.

What I found was that suddenly God's forgiveness became very real to me, in the context of starting to understand what it means to say 'God loves you.'

I've always found the Psalms very helpful because they seem to encompass every feeling we might go through - unworthiness, despair, fear, loneliness - and show us how if we call on God he answers.

One which was meaningful when my father was very ill was Psalm 34 - 'This poor man called and you answered him.'

I also love Psalm 40, which speaks of God lifting the psalmist out of a pit.

There's some info about lectio divina here.

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